#32 THE BLAME GAME
Quiz Show format with contestants:
Announcer: Ed Throat Welcome to America’s Favorite Game…”THE BLAME GAME”
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First let me introduce the The players:
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Miles Stringent........Assistant Principal
Sue Trueheart..........Teacher
Owen Patra............. Father
Cecilia Softy........... Mother
Roscoe Slick........... Student
Lester Frapwell........ Guidance Counselor
Delva Politico........... School Board President.
And of course, America’s favorite blamer
Lance, it’s not my fault, Winkendale your host.
Please put your hands together for: L A N C E W I N K E N D A L E ! ! ! !
Lance: Hello and welcome to everyone’s favorite game…”The Blame Game” This is where the winners get out and the losers keep playing. Ed, before we begin, let’s hear what we a playing for today OK?
Ed: Well Lance, Today’s first place winner will win a 5 day, all expense paid vacation to beautiful downtown Milpitas California!?
Lance: Err, Ah, .How about 2nd place Ed?
Ed: Ten days Lance!
Lance: Let’s get started shall we? Who do you blame? Ed, What is today’s first question?
Ed: Today’s first question: “Roscoe is getting straight “Fs” on his report card; Who do you blame?
Lance: Mr. Stringent, our infamous demigod of discipline, what say you?
Miles: “Well that’s easy…Lousy teachers, I can’t get any good people to teach, not enough money to support even a small family. If the legislators would give us a little more…
Lance: Hold on there partner…one blame per round please.
Sue: “Well, if we'll get even a little help from his parents we could enforce some discipline here and whip this little turkey into shape.
Owen: Hey hold on a second here. We both have to work…heck Roscoe is the only kid on our block with two parents…
Lance: “And this relates how?”
Cecilia: “How about you don’t pick on my hubby eh? We all know that those thugs you call students are leading my baby down the path to destruction. I blame peer pressure from the entire junior class and social media, video violence all of that…
Lance: “Nice one, you’ve scored some big points now, That’s about as ambiguous as you can get!
Lester: “Oh yeah! How about this: “Jimmy Freeweed is a bad influence as well as his other little buddies that call me “Lester the Molester” behind my back : Why I ought to…
Lance: “Now we’re really playing…I love this stuff!” How about we hear from our victim:
Ed: Pardon me Lance but Ms Politico wants to…
Delva: “Wait a second …are you forgetting who runs the show here? I blame the state lawmakers who insist on controlling and micromanaging until we can no longer…
Lance: “Boring!” Let’s hear from poor little Roscoe.
Roscoe: Well it’s easy, you’re all to blame…especially you TV dude! Where do you think I get all my bad ideas…You make me want to grab a gun and…
Lance: “Heh Heh…now Roscoe I’m on your side. Look at me, I make a quintillion dollars a year for peddling intellectual constipation and you could too. We’ll talk later little buddy.
Ed: Great game Lance…People all over America are watching what should be a record setting Blame Game here!
Lance: Now for round two: This is where we really rack up the points. No fair blaming people, especially anyone that could be even remotely accountable to control or in anyway impact this situation…What do we blame?:
Miles: “Gotta be ignorance or apathy “I don’t know and I don’t care”
Lance: “Nice: Sue?”
Sue: “Total breakdown of morality…how I long for the days of community taffy pulls and Ozzie and Harriett, (breaking into song) “Those were the days my friend, We thought they’d never end…”
Lance: “Please no singing…you’ll be disqualified if that happens again!”
Owen: “Family values, moral majority, puritan work ethic, sugar-free gum…
Lance: “OK now you’ve lost it but I like your style…We’re all racking up the points now!”
Cecelia: “I’m not a real feminist or anything but I think it’s horrible about the way they beat and kill those poor women over in that Afghanistan place.”
Lance: Major break-through…not only off topic but totally out of this country. You’re winning so far!
Lester: “Wait, I’m still in this! Additives in food are robbing Roscoe of serotonin therefore his neuroprosessors aren’t creating enough dopamine thereby retarding his ability to…and you know society has created a massive counter-culture comprised of anti-establishment folk heroes who epitomize immediate gratification with no moral or intellectual substance.”
Lance: Wow, now we’re at a new level again. Do you love this game? I can’t even remember what we’re supposed to be talking about!
Delva: “I still blame politics and people’s need to interact with each other. Why can’t we all just live in caves and leave each other alone?”
Lance: “That would end your political career, would It not?
Delva: “Good point.”
Roscoe: “Hey, you people are driving me nuts with all this (bleeping bleep). Look, I messed up in my classes because I just don’t care for God’s sake. Is that so hard for you morons to understand? Jees and crackers…what a bunch of nimrods!!
Lance: All right you’re disqualified and you’ve ruined it for everyone..
BUT HEY…WE’LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK WITH A NEW GROUP AND A NEW TOPIC FOR AMERICA’S FAVORITE WAY OF STAYING STUCK…The Blame Game!!!