CASE STUDY #13: IGNACIO
(Anger issues - The Boy Who Saw Too Much)
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In a class of 50 or so young people who have all failed classes and genuinely don't see themselves as ever being successful in life as well as ever getting what they want; it is difficult to stand out as a malcontent. Ignacio was able to do this IN SPADES! He would typically hang outside the building even though everyone else had entered .
The kind of defiance engineered to ruffle the feathers of the adult authority figures. This tactic, as obvious as it is, is a mainstay of the joker whose overriding goal is to be kicked out of the group. Their mindset is "you kick me out and then I get to blame you for messing up my life and not graduating". Other favorite tricks include: not bringing a pen or paper to the group, talking while the leaders; adults or peer leaders are giving instructions, refusing to participate in "lame" group activities, and just demonstrating total and complete disregard for the entire process.
One night Ignacio was over the top with his rudeness and disrespect during an exercise around forgiveness and communication/ respect of parents. Other members of his group looked over to see what we were going to do about this obvious disregard for everything sacred in "I CARE". Since we make it a practice to take away as many games that kids play to control a situation, especially the temper thing where we "lose our cool" and toss them out of the group. I quietly went to his table and asked the leader if I might speak with Inglacio outside for a few minutes.
The request was met with obvious gratitude because it would now be much easier for the remaining group members to complete the task and earn their stickers.
Outside Ignacio changed from aggressor to victim. "Why you always pickin' on me? I didn't do nothin"!" Having dealt with this behavior on many occasions I cut to the chase: "I don't see you as an aggressor although that is the image you are cultivating. I know that "hurt people hurt people" and I get that you have been seriously hurt. What have you seen that caused this much pain?" Almost instantly he looked down with slumped shoulders becoming barely audible: "I saw my Dad kill a man." *
I touched Ignacio on the shoulder (yes I still do that…we are social animals by nature and a soft touch can cut through miles of resistance and anger if properly administered and not over used.) "You saw something that no six-year old should ever see. I'm so sorry that you had to witness such violence. I feel even worse that it is still with you. Do you have a counselor at your school that you trust to tell you about this?” He hesitated a while then shook his head in the affirmative. I set a deadline for the next group meeting for him to contact his counselor. (It is critically important that students see that you "care enough to impose accountability”…they will tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you off their back.) He returned the next meeting showing an exuberance heretofore unobserved.
The contents of his meeting with counselors and subsequent referrals to professional therapists are protected by confidentiality.
Naturally this sends up all kinds of flags for a “designated reporter" as all school counselors swear an oath to be. I determined that the "murder" happened in the country of Ignacio's birth when he was six years old. I made a mental note to speak to the SRO (school resource officer) assigned to Ignacio's home school. To see if anything was known about the alleged incident. (It turned out that our police found nothing but indicated that based on observations that the event might easily have happened.)
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Exercise #05 I Could Do Better If...
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Exercise #06 Why Are We Here
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Exercise #07 Learning Styles Inventory
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Exercise #14 First Impressions
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